The day I thought would never come….has. My cat that I’ve known nearly all my life is now gone. I thought I would be alright….I was wrong. I feel like a part of me is gone and never coming back. He’s had a good life though, some 18 years which is extraordinary for a cat, that doesn’t make it any easier though. If anything, it makes it ever harder. Words cannot, and will not ever be able to express the grief that I feel. He was one of….probably my very best friend. I think back to all the fun we used to have. All the crazy things he used to do. I think about his crazy moods and hiding under the rug. About his love of climbing into things, boxes, bags, our giant glass jar. I think about the time he set at the table and looked like he was ready for dinner. I think about him curling up in my lap for a long nap. I think about the abuse he took from me….the time I dropped him down the stairs, the time I put a clothespin on his tail. I suppose I wanted him to live forever….and thought that he would. I thought that he would always be around. What small comfort is in the fact that I got to say goodbye….and that he didn’t suffer. Though really, those seem like very small comforts. I just hope he know how much I loved him. Rest in peace my dear friend. I will never forget about you. You will always hold a very special place in my heart.
Otter Bunyard 1991 to 2009:
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Whether or not I am ready for it, it won’t be long at all before I become a “family man” so to speak. I am marrying the most wonderful woman in the world who also has two children…a son who is 3 and daughter who is 6. While the debate still seems to go on about my fitness to be a parent, there is something that really made me smile this morning.
Shannon, 6, was staying with her grandmother overnight as Shelley had to work. Since her bio father doesn’t have a place of his own, he stays here as well. This can, as one would imagine, cause some tension.
While I don’t know the whole story, this I know. Shannon and her bio father had a bit of a….well….”falling out” this morning….more than what is usual. As I understand it, she stated that “he was mean but I wasn’t and she wished she was with me this morning” That of course has been tweaked to reflective the fact that it’s coming from me and not from her. Not being a grammar major, nor really being all that great at grammar, I don’t really know the proper term here.
What makes this better still, is that he was more that a little upset with this. He promptly left, didn’t say goodbye, didn’t stop at the stop signs, and just took off. I know I shouldn’t find this nearly as amusing as I do, but I cannot help it. I really don’t know how to describe it. I’m overcome with a strange sense of proudness (shut-up, I know it’s not a word!)….for her standing up to him. The voice in the back of my head telling me that I will be just fine as a parent also seems to be getting stronger.
I don’t know….I don’t really know how to define this. While they are not my bio children, I have this connection that seems to be stronger than any physical connection could ever be. I really don’t know how to describe it….I may never be able to honestly. I feel like….I know that I love them, that I am proud of them, that I truly value our time together. I….I really cannot explain it.
I know it’s not what would be expected…bit sometimes it really takes a rather odd event to really shed light on the situation. Meaning, I have always been proud of the….my children that is….but I don’t know that I really realized how much until today….
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