Dan's Randomness » Life

3 Doors Down – Citizen/Soldier

Dan — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 01:38:25 +0000

Beyond the boundaries of your city’s lights.
Stand the heroes waiting for your cries.
So many times you did not bring this on yourself.
When the moment finally comes, I’ll be there to help.

And on that day, when you need your brothers and sisters to care.
I’ll be right here.

Citizen soldiers.
Holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
Standing on guard for the ones that we’ve sheltered.
We’ll always be ready because we will always be there.

When there’re people crying in the streets.
When they’re starving for a meal to eat.
When they simply need a place to make their beds.
Right here underneath my wing, you can rest your head.

On that day, when you need your brothers and sisters to care.
I’ll be right here.

Hope and pray, that you never need me.
The rest assured I will not let you down.
I walk beside you, but you may not see me.
The strongest among you may not wear a crown.

On the day when you need your brothers and sisters to care.
I’ll be right here.
On that day when you don’t have strength for the burden you bear.
I’ll be right here.

Otter 1991 – 2009

Dan — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 16:21:14 +0000

The day I thought would never come….has. My cat that I’ve known nearly all my life is now gone. I thought I would be alright….I was wrong. I feel like a part of me is gone and never coming back. He’s had a good life though, some 18 years which is extraordinary for a cat, that doesn’t make it any easier though. If anything, it makes it ever harder. Words cannot, and will not ever be able to express the grief that I feel. He was one of….probably my very best friend. I think back to all the fun we used to have. All the crazy things he used to do. I think about his crazy moods and hiding under the rug. About his love of climbing into things, boxes, bags, our giant glass jar. I think about the time he set at the table and looked like he was ready for dinner. I think about him curling up in my lap for a long nap. I think about the abuse he took from me….the time I dropped him down the stairs, the time I put a clothespin on his tail. I suppose I wanted him to live forever….and thought that he would. I thought that he would always be around. What small comfort is in the fact that I got to say goodbye….and that he didn’t suffer. Though really, those seem like very small comforts. I just hope he know how much I loved him. Rest in peace my dear friend. I will never forget about you. You will always hold a very special place in my heart.

Otter Bunyard 1991 to 2009:

Follow Up: Car trouble…

Dan — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 00:10:53 +0000

So after some swearing, a vacuum test, and the advice of the good people over at the Ford Forums it turns out to be a bad hose. One of the hoses in the picture (though you can’t tell it) had a nasty crack down the side on the end that connected to the sensor. After getting new hoses, and another new sensor then putting it all back together, it has run flawlessly. I’m really quite relieved, I was afraid the the cat converters were plugged and would have to be replaced, but it was just a simply hose.

Car trouble…

Dan — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 23:23:01 +0000

I hate cars, I really do. I know that mine is getting up there in age and miles really (10 years old with nearly 150k miles) but it still drives me crazy when things go wrong. This time, it’s the DPFE sensor. Don’t worry if you don’t know what that is, I didn’t either a week or so ago. Though now I have learned FAR more about the EGR system than I ever really cared to know.

Really, it’s not that the sensor has gone bad, it’s that it’s been melted, rather badly. This picture will likely show a bit better what has happened (click the image for a larger view):

Yeah, not cool. I’m still trying to track down the problem but at this point, I believe it to simply be one of the two hoses pictures, more specifically, the one on the exhaust site of the orifice. I bought the hoses and another sensor at NAPA but before I install it, I wanted to make sure that the cat converters aren’t plugged. That could also cause excessive back pressure and do the damage shown.

What makes it worse, my car actually qualifies for the “Cash for Clunkers” program and I would get $4500 on a trade in. The problem with this is that I can’t find the car that I really want….a black Jetta TDI, manual transmission, with a sunroof. Really my car should run a fair bit longer so I really hate to give it up over a repair that costs a few hundred dollars. Of course, if I do end up having to replace the cats, that’s another $350 or so if I do it myself.

It’s just driving me crazy….I laid awake for a while this morning just thinking about it and going over all the possible scenarios in my head. I really believe it to just be the hose, but I don’t know that for a fact, and at $100 a pop for the sensor I don’t really feel like melting another one. Tomorrow I plan to check the vacuum pressures to see if the cat converters are bad. My hope is that they aren’t, and that simply putting everything back together (with the new hose) will solve the problem.

Anyway….just what I have been thinking about for the past few days….

My Daughter…My Children

Dan — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 02:39:19 +0000

Whether or not I am ready for it, it won’t be long at all before I become a “family man” so to speak. I am marrying the most wonderful woman in the world who also has two children…a son who is 3 and daughter who is 6. While the debate still seems to go on about my fitness to be a parent, there is something that really made me smile this morning.

Shannon, 6, was staying with her grandmother overnight as Shelley had to work. Since her bio father doesn’t have a place of his own, he stays here as well. This can, as one would imagine, cause some tension.

While I don’t know the whole story, this I know. Shannon and her bio father had a bit of a….well….”falling out” this morning….more than what is usual. As I understand it, she stated that “he was mean but I wasn’t and she wished she was with me this morning” That of course has been tweaked to reflective the fact that it’s coming from me and not from her. Not being a grammar major, nor really being all that great at grammar, I don’t really know the proper term here.

What makes this better still, is that he was more that a little upset with this. He promptly left, didn’t say goodbye, didn’t stop at the stop signs, and just took off. I know I shouldn’t find this nearly as amusing as I do, but I cannot help it. I really don’t know how to describe it. I’m overcome with a strange sense of proudness (shut-up, I know it’s not a word!)….for her standing up to him. The voice in the back of my head telling me that I will be just fine as a parent also seems to be getting stronger.

I don’t know….I don’t really know how to define this. While they are not my bio children, I have this connection that seems to be stronger than any physical connection could ever be. I really don’t know how to describe it….I may never be able to honestly. I feel like….I know that I love them, that I am proud of them, that I truly value our time together. I….I really cannot explain it.

I know it’s not what would be expected…bit sometimes it really takes a rather odd event to really shed light on the situation. Meaning, I have always been proud of the….my children that is….but I don’t know that I really realized how much until today….

Reflections….

Dan — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 01:25:51 +0000

As I drove home, I took a route I don’t usually take. I headed down SR-315 for a reason unknown. Anyway, at a point just north of SR-161, is where I had my accident some 2 and a half years ago. I realize it was worse than I would like to admit, but I will say that if you know where it is, you can clearly still see the path I cut through the brush and trees.

I haven’t been past here in some time, and it really gave me a chance to reflect. Having known the record of the cars I choose to drive (cop cars for all intensive purposes) it’s not surprising that I emerged from it nearly unharmed. Looking at it though, I realize that there are very few, maybe no other cars that would have protected me the way my vic did.

Crown Victories, Grand Marquis, Lincoln Town Cars, etc. have always been built pretty well. The police don’t just choose them randomly. They have beefy engines, strong suspensions, and really do hold up rather well in a collision. Well….the car doesn’t, but it does a VERY good job protecting the driver.

Anyway, I digress. I don’t believe that there are many cars that would have left their drivers in as good shape as I was. What it is, I don’t know, but I know there is a reason I am still here today. There is a reason I choose a Crown Vic as my car. A reason I walked away from that crash nearly unharmed. It’s something I have thought about many times over the past couple of years. Something that I will never be able to shake, something I will never be able to forget, something I will never be able to deny.

I know that I won’t usually admit it, nor will I usually acknowledge it, but the truth is, I fucked up, really bad. Whether it was for better or worse, I really don’t know, but I cannot change the past. I don’t usually dwell on it, or really even think about it, but it has been at the front of my mind this evening.

What it means, I haven’t a clue. I have never claimed to understand the way that my mind works, but I know this. Something caused me to drive past that point tonight. Something caused me to dwell on it for so long. What, I don’t know, but something.

Anyway, I have gone on long enough, I’m headed to bed. It’s still a bit early, but I’m tired and not in a very good mood….

I Fought the Ceiling Fan (And The Ceiling Fan Won)

Dan — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 21:47:41 +0000

So I learned a valuable lesson the other day. What you are in a room with low ceilings, and a running ceiling fan, don’t reach up. Yes, I know that should have been a given, but when you wake up all groggy, and in the dark, it’s not the first thing on your mind. At this point though, it’s most certainly something I will think about.

It happened late Monday night or early Tuesday morning. I’m not really sure which since my clock’s wrong. I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. On my way there, I was walking through my dark room and stretched my arms up in the air to stretch. Instead of cracking a few joints and stretching out my arms though, my left-hand pinky was hit with the blade of a ceiling fan. At first it wasn’t really all that bad. It was dark and I was tired so I didn’t really think much of it. After I got to the bathroom though and turned on the light, it was a bit worse. I got cut in three places.

So that’s my story. Don’t fight the ceiling fan, you won’t win, especially when it’s on high speed.

All jumbled up….

Dan — Tue, 26 May 2009 22:55:17 +0000

So it seems like I have been starting, but not finishing, a number of entries both for here and my journal on my site. I have decided (for better or worse) that I will at least post what I have written. None of these are completed, nor will they be. It was just me starting things at random points in time but never finishing them. So here you are:

08-23-2008
So I’m in kinda a weird Dan mood right now. I don’t really know how to describe it, or really what it is, it’s just weird. It’s not happy or sad…..mad or calm….just weird. I don’t really know what else to say, so I suppose that this won’t be real long. I just wanted to post at least something.

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10-22-2008 – A note for my Shelley
I thought that perhaps I would start out my posting here with a “small” note to my dear Shelley. Alright, so it won’t be small, but still.

After what can only be described as yet another wonderful weekend, I still continue to fall more and more in love with her. It would be hard to describe the weekend as perfect, but arguably any time spent with her is perfect. If you want to read all the details, you can check out our joint blog Dan and Shelley.

But anyway, back on track here. Shelley, my dear Shelley, I love you. I know that those words don’t even begin to convey what I feel for you, but they are the best that I have found so far. Just when I think that I can’t possibly love you any more, I am proven wrong. Simply thinking about you makes me fall deeper and deeper in love with you. I cherish every moment that we spend together, and long for when we shall meet again.

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01-07-2009 – A new year, new love, a clean slate….
So this is a hard post for me to make. I have made many a painful posts before in my journal in the past but it never gets any easier. I know that this post is WAY overdue but as I always say, better late than never…..

So for those who don’t know, I am now dating the most wonderful woman in the world. Her name is Shelley and I can not even begin to describe my feelings for her. We have been together some 9ish months at this point and I can honestly say that I have never been happier in my life. I suppose, that along with this, I should at least mention my ex. She who shall not be named is, last I knew, living with a “friend” in MO. I’m not going to go into details but calling her a bitch would be a compliment I do believe. I truly hate looking down on people like that but honestly I don’t know what else to say.

The final thing I should probably note is my job. I love me job, I really do. I am never doing the same thing for days on end, I get to work with some cutting edge technology, and I my opinion is respected and always heard if I have something that needs said. We had training today for our new phone system and while I really don’t enjoy meetings, I know that it’s something I have to do sometimes. We have been working VERY hard to get things ready for this new system along with some other major projects. Honestly, I really do enjoy working hard, the end result ALWAYS makes it worth while.

Anyway, moving right along. I am, at this point, coming up upon the 2nd anniversary of my accident. I can’t honestly believe that it’s been that long but it has. I try not to think about it….try to push it from my mind but I never strays far. It’s something that hangs over my head day in and day out. Very rarely does a day go by that I still don’t think about it. My friends know that I am talking about, for those who don’t, I’m not planning to go into it here.

Well back to Shelley. The short of it is that I love her. Not in a love that can be defined, explained, or expressed. I love her so deeply I don’t even fully understand it. So much that no matter how hard I try I will never be able to describe it. I have spent countless hours….countless sleepless nights trying to put into words what I feel. I have concluded that it’s really just not possible. I can not, and will not, ever be able to describe it.

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So that’s it, what I have half-written over the past 8 months. Maybe some of it’s interesting, but most likely not. Enjoy!